I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
She has the best kind of daddy issues
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
