I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
