My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
