:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
