Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
