Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
nut hugger
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
