I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Fuck appropriateness.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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