It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
