wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
