whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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