help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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