Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
drinking out of a sandbucket again
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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