oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
You're earring is so big in my mouth
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
The air was thick with penises
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
