I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
