Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
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