I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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