I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
