You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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