I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
