There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
