But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Randomize
