White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Ladies don't puke and tell
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