Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
