You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
