I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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