you're like a bully in the Christmas story
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
In other news, I just burned my penis
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
