I'm gonna have a badass scar
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
