You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
