Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
