Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
