Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
there is glitter all over my balls
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