Pants 0. Shit 1.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
