No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
