Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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