I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
