He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
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