You're so nebulous sometimes
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Randomize
