It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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