I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
