I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
