Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
