He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
We had sex on a dog bed..
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
