The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
