i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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