apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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