Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
