ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Alive.
So much puke
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Randomize
