OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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