When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Randomize
