Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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