the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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