Don't make out with my wife yet
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
