I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
